One for the Money
by Kingofreaks
Summary: What started out as a kiddie magic show has ballooned into a full-on stage production will Luan Loud crack under the pressure. A request from Barbacar


Authors note, hey everyone this is a requet from Barbacar for a story about Luan putting on a show with a few other requests wont spoil the story hope you enjoy.

A girl paced back and forth behind a stage with a curtain black as night, Luan didn't know why she was so nervous she'd faced hostile crowds before, heck she'd performed for most of this audience before.

Of course, that was before she and Maggie had started dating, now it felt more like an inquisition rather than a show.

To think it had started out when Lucy asked her to put on a magic show in the backyard for her friend Haiku's birthday just a simple gig nothing she hadn't done a thousand times before.

Then Maggie had witnessed her planning it and asked if she could come and bring some friends before Luan could stop herself she'd said yes.

It had turned out alright; when she told Lucy it turned out Haiku and the other members of the mortician's club as they called themselves looked up to the older kids and were as excited as goths get about the chance to hang out with them.

Distracting herself Luan looked around the stage, she had to admit her sisters had done a good job on such short notice.

The stage had been designed and built by Lana with labor help from the others and decorated by Leni and Lola under Lucy's gothic vision.

What had started out as a kiddie magic show had developed into a full-on stage production.

A pen tucked behind her ear clipboard in hand Lori walked over, Luan had assigned her the role of stage manager.

Though she might find Lori's leadership style a bit tyrannical at times she couldn't argue with the results, Lori got stuff done.

"Ten minutes to curtain Luan time to suit up," Lori ordered, then looking away and shouted "Luna!"

The rocker was sitting at a nearby picnic table with other members of the crew, friends, and family, staring into her girlfriend Sam's eyes.

Lori hollered again and Luna jumped to attention and calmly strolled over, "No need to shout Lori dude I'm here."

The older girl looked like she wanted to strangle her mellow sister but took a breath and pinched the bridge of her nose, "You're sure that this rigging is all going to work like it's supposed to? Luan's not going to get sent crashing to the ground or be strangled?"

Giving a thumbs up Luna answered confidently, "No problemo, Chunk has been doing concert theatrics forever with no fatalities."

"Then how do you explain the accident in the warm-up yesterday," Lori asked coldly.

"Well no one died did they?, besides," Luna said raising her voice, "That was Lynn's fault."

"I heard that," a voice called from the picnic table, an irate Lynn followed stomping over.

"You were supposed to, your skater chicks nearly dropped Luan on her face in rehearsal," Luna said wanting to make it clear the rigging was not at fault.

"Well sorry," Lynn said dramatically, "How was I supposed to know that practicing in our skates was a bad idea?"

The three started to devolve into name calling, Luan just stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled getting everyone's attention.

"There's no reason for anyone to lose her head", she said smiling, "while I get in costume and the rigging; you can run through it one more time and we'll have a lid on the situation."

Her sisters nodded and walked away to go over the plan with the other girls.

Sighing with relief Luan couldn't help but smile, she was excited about the opening act.

After convincing both their parents and Haiku's to allow a sleepover Luan had come up with an act that took advantage of the dark.

Using her sister's connections Lisa had managed to get a hold of enough vantablack material to make a bodysuit.

In the dark it would look like her head was bobbing about of its own accord, it had been Luan's idea to call in Chunk to add a high wire aspect.

After putting on the body suit she started getting into the rigging that's when she felt a presence hovering behind her.

"Hey could you tighten my straps," Luan asked assuming it to be one of her sisters.

There was and snort and a familiar sullen voice answered, "You've no idea how long I've been waiting for you to ask,"

A smile crept across her face as she started to turn look at her girlfriend, "Hold still and take a breath " Maggie ordered.

Freezing like a statue Luan took a breath just as Maggie tightened the harness.

Gasping Luan asked, "Have I told you that you take my breath away?"

Rolling her eyes at the line Maggie murmured, "If only."

As if sensing Luan's lower lip rise in a pout Maggie spun her around so they were facing each other.

"How do I look," Luan asked nervously; Maggie had done her goth makeup for the show it was a similar feeling to her clown makeup but she wasn't about to tell Maggie that.

Giving Luan a long up and down commenting on the bodysuit Maggie said, "Well there's less of you, I like that."

Before Luan could react in mock outrage Maggie pulled a small black gift box from her jean pocket.

"I got you this for the show it's just something I had lying around," Maggie said trying to downplay the present.

Snatching it from her girlfriend Luan opened the box starting at the contents for a moment, she smiled at Maggie, "I love it!"

The goth blushed looking away, "It's nothing really," Luan handed the contents to Maggie, a black sparkly scrunchy adorned with a skull so that she could replace the yellow one already in place.

Then as if by divine jest at just the wrong time her sisters returned.

Lori leading the others, she nodded at Maggie then addressed Luan, "Are you ready you're on in two."

Looking away from Maggie and sighing Luan gave a thumbs up then closed her eyes and got in the zone.

Interrupting, Maggie spoke up, "You'll need this" Luan had forgotten her top hat; gently placing it on Luan's head Maggie carefully secured it with several concealed berets.

Looking over at the riggers who were laughing and joking around Maggie looked back to Luan, "You're sure this is safe right?"

Jumping in Luna answered for her sister, "Don't worry," she joked, " the worse that could happen is she breaks a couple ribs and gets tenderized for you."

Maggie didn't find this funny and voiced her displeasure, locking eyes the rocker she glared and said, "Anything that happens to Luan I will repay upon you all tenfold."

Though her sisters went quiet Luan just smiled and asked, "Can I get a kiss for luck?"

"You don't need luck you're Luan Loud," Maggie said adamantly and started to turn to leave but then stopped swiveled around and gave Luan a quick peck on the nose.

"Always leave them wanting more," Maggie said as she departed from the stage leaving the others behind.

Saying what the others were thinking Luna spoke, "Brah your girlfriends kind of intense,"

"I know isn't she," Luan said smiling and raising a hand to her forehead in an overdramatic swoon.

Hiding a smile Lori clapped her hands together and took charge, "No time for this right now though we'll talk later, positions everybody!"

Luna checked Luan's harnesses one last time and nodded satisfied and gave a thumbs up to Lynn and her crew.

Lynn looked to Luan for final approval then began to hoist her into place.

As the curtains parted Luan could see the small audience of about fifteen, finding Maggie's face in the crowd she took a breath and signaled the riggers.

The show began as she swung across the stage singing, "No body, knows the trouble I've seen, no body knows my sorrow," accompanied by Luna on keyboard.

The illusion was carried off perfectly it really did appear as if Luan's disembodied head was floating about in the dark.

The crowd had gasped and Luan knew she had them, "But seriously ladies and germs I'm Luan Loud and I'll be your master of scaremonies for the evening and I'll also be performing some magic."

Looking into the crowd she found Haiku, "We're all here tonight to wish Haiku a very special birthday."

Not letting any emotion show on her face Haiku nodded at the acknowledgment and Luan continued, "I know Haiku is all class just like a certain Princess Marie Antoinette, but hopefully when we let you eat cake, no one will lose their heads."

This got a few chuckles from the audience, Luan felt like she was hitting her stride when she felt a sudden rush of gravity as she hurtled towards the stage.

She grimaced as she felt the straps dig into her body as she came to a sudden halt not hitting the ground.

Rolling with it though she chuckled and said, "Sorry for the gallows humour."

Several stagehands rushed over releasing her from the harness and then disappearing.

Finishing up Luan announced that Lucy would be performing a palm reading for Haiku and then bowed as the curtains closed.

Walking off stage Luan barely had time to rub her aching sides before she was bombarded by Lori, Luna, and Lynn.

"Oh my god are you okay?" Lori asked right away.

Before she could answer Lynn butted in, "I'm sorry Polly Pain wouldn't take off her skates it's all my fault."

Then Luna interrupted, "Dude you should have seen it, Lynn dove over the pile of girls to grab the line."

"I'll admit it was actually pretty badass," Lori said then quickly changed the subject asking,"Will you be able to complete the show?"

Although she did feel a sharp pain in her ribs she grinned through the pain, "There are no bones about it the show goes on!"

Lori looked at her sister suspicious of the pun but then nodded and called out, "Costume change!"

There was a blonde blur and Leni had joined them, Luan felt herself fall back as Lola shoved a chair up behind her forcing her to sit.

Inspecting her grimly Leni and Lola nodded to each other in silent agreement.

"Foundation?" Leni asked.

"Foundation," Lola answered handing her a bottle.

"Eyeshadow," Leni asked.

"Eyeshadow," Lola answered

Luan wasn't sure if it felt more like she was in surgery or at a racetrack pit stop.

When it was all over the two fashionista's observed there work and finally smiled.

"You look so spooky," Leni said proudly.

"The best we could do under the conditions anyway," Lola said agreeing.

Before Luan could say anything Leni hoisted her up and Lola took the chair away.

In a moment reverent of a gothic Cinderella Leni pulled the body suit that was also tear-away to reveal a second costume.

She was wearing a leather corset and skirt with leggings and a suit jacket all black of course.

Smiling Leni announced her work there was done and flitted off.

Taking a moment to recover from the drive by costuming Luan decided to find Lana to make sure everything was ready for the next act.

Her younger sister wasn't hard to find she was sitting just off stage next to a large cooler looking slightly nervous.

Smiling Luan asked "Hey Lana, what's a snake's favourite New Year's tradition? Hissing under the mistletoe"

Lana chuckled but Luan could tell the little grease monkey's heart wasn't in it.

Sitting next to her sister Luan asked, "Hey is something the matter Lan?"

Shrugging noncommittally Lana looked around before asking "Are you sure you need Hugs for the show? cus I think he might be nervous."

Looking from Lana to the cooler back to Lana, Luan paused for a moment then looked at her sister and said, "Well I don't need Hugs I could always go get Gary," Lana looked relieved however Luan continued, "but I think everyone would be a bit disappointed not to see Hugs."

The little girl's face fell and Lana asked, " I'm just worried what if the audience is scared of him or they're mean?"

Sitting Lana down in her lap Luan tried to put on a tough face as she said, "If anyone is mean to Hugs they'll have to deal with me and not just me but Maggie as well and you know how scary she can be."

This got her to perk up a bit, "You promise?" Lana asked.

"I swear on a stack of banana cream pies," Luan said placing her hand over her heart, "clowns honour."

Just then Lori arrived with her clipboard tutting, "Luan your on in five are you ready?"

Looking at Lana, Luan asked, "Are we ready?"

Still looking a bit nervous Lana smiled for the first time and said, "A bluebell is always prepared!"

Quickly stopping to remove the pins that had secured her top hat to her head during her aerial feets Luan took a deep breath and walked on stage.

Smiling widely at crowd she started off by asking the crowd a round of applause for the great mystic Lucy.

There was some polite applause from a few members of the audience but otherwise dead silence.

Pulling on her collar for effect Luan frowned, "eee tough crowd, well that's okay because my little sidekick eats nails for breakfast; nails, and carrots!"

Taking off her top hat she reached in and the audience groaned predicting what would happen next.

However as Luan reached into her hat she frowned, "Sorry everyone but it looks like Gary amscrayed down the bunny trail at speed but there is definitely something in here."

Setting her hat in midair Luan looked into the audience and announce, "I think I'm going to need some volunteers with this, anyone?"

There wasn't the usual rush of arms she was used to at her performances so in the end she chose Haiku and Maggie.

The two looked at each other apathetically and reluctantly walked up onto the stage.

Looking to the crowd Luan said, "A round of applause for these two beautiful ladies!"

Both girls friends gave more of an effort this time making Luan smile.

Looking to her less than willing volunteers Luan nodded, "Okay I'm going to try and get whatever's in my hat out and pass it to you first Maggie and if you could help her Haiku that would be great."

Reaching one arm deep into the top hat up to her shoulder Luan tugged dramatically then shaking her head she planted her feet so everyone could see and reached both arms into the hat then slowly but surely she brought out the head of a great python.

This got the audience's attention, looking up Luan laughed, "No wonder Gary took off!"

Getting Maggie to hold the head she slowly eased more of the snake out, the hat still hanging aloft was now lying on its side.

Soon Haiku was also holding the snake affectionately dubbed hugs by Lana, this time when Luan suggested she might need more volunteers there was a flurry of hands.

In all it took five people two hold Hugs at his full seven feet soon Lana came out and was chatting amicably answering questions about Hugs without a hint of her earlier trepidation.

It quickly turned into something of a macabre petting zoo as everyone came up to see the snake.

Luan actually felt a bit guilty when she announced Hugs had to retire for the evening so Haiku's friends could perform a beat poetry tribute to her.

After the brief intermission, it was time for the grand finale and Luan was particularly nervous even though this was the trick they'd practiced most, the cannon.

Stepping onto the stage she addressed the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen you're about to witness the most death-defying act this backyard circus could arrange and still obey local zoning laws."

On cue, Lynn and the skaters came out pulling the cannon up a ramp onto the stage.

Though the girls made a show of it the cannon was actually pretty lightweight.

"And now," Luan announced, "our brave volunteer,

This time Lori, Luna, Lynn came out carrying a large sack the contents of which seemed to be struggling violently.

Setting the sack down Luan removed the sack dramatically to reveal a bound, gagged and very irate Lincoln Loud.

It took all she had to stay in character Luan was happy to see Lincoln was embracing the role, though playing the victim he had fully consented to be part of the show.

The trick would have been too dangerous to use an actual unwilling participant, and besides there, parents said they had to ask him or they wouldn't sign off on the necessary permits for the event.

Approaching her brother, she grinned malevolently and removing his gag asked: "Any last words dear brother?"

This was Lincoln's last chance to get out of the trick she'd given him a safe word to use if he had a last minute change of heart.

However, Lincoln just sneered angrily at his sister and declared, "I'll get you for this Luan you psycho cl-," the rest of his words were cut off as she put the gag back on.

The other sisters loaded Lincoln unceremoniously into the canon feet first, his head was still visible out of the cannon's mouth.

Looking from her brother to the audience Luan gave a huge wink as she said, "So long Linc and thanks for all the laughs," with that she used a hand crank to hoist the barrel skyward at an eighty-degree angle.

Making a large cigar appear out of thin air Luan pretended to light it looking to Lincoln, "a last smoke for the condemned? No, you're right these can be hazardous to your health."

Turning away she used the oversized novelty to light the fuse.

The cigar not being lit wasn't a problem because the fuse wasn't real it was all controlled remotely by Lisa.

But in a moment reminiscent of her nightmares nothing happened, the cannon sat idle leaving the audience staring at her uncomfortably wondering if this was part of the show.

"Sorry everyone just some minor technical difficulties," Luan announced walking over to the cannon she gave it a kick, "I'm sure everything. . ."

But she didn't get to finish her thought; there was an enormous explosion of sound and light as the rocket erupted and Lincoln was launched violently upwards.

As Luan watched her brother sail out of sight into the night sky she would have sworn she saw a twinkle of stars.

Coughing' she looked at the wide-eyed audience, she was covered head to toe in soot but she managed a big smile, "That's all folks!" before passing out.

Epilogue

Luan sat up straight with a start and began to rant incoherently, "Lincoln, rocket man, over the moon!"

Feeling a hand on her shoulder she realized she was no longer on stage or outside for that matter.

She was lying on the living room couch with Maggie brooding over her and Lincoln sitting beside her, she looked around confused and started to ask what had happened.

Covering his sister's mouth Lincoln stopped her, "I'm fine the stunt went fine I landed in the net just like I was supposed to but when the cannon went off you fainted."

Looking sheepish Luan laughed nervously, "I guess I went out with a bang."

Groaning Maggie allowed Luan a laugh then said, "it's not your fault someone," she said glaring over the couch, "thought the trick could use some extra oomph."

Following Maggie's gaze, Luan saw several of her siblings milling around awkwardly looking guilty; chief amongst them was Lisa.

Looking to Maggie as if for permission the others walked over quietly and Lisa cleared her throat, "My apologies sibling I thought the grand finale was lacking in excitement and I may have overcompensated with some low-grade explosives, I hope you can forgive my err in judgement."

Before anyone could react to Lisa's confession Lucy and Haiku appeared causing everyone but Maggie to shudder.

Sighing Lucy addressed Luan, "Haiku has something she wants to tell Luan," then looking at the gaping entourage she added, "privately."

Begrudgingly everyone but Maggie, whose presence was non-negotiable, cleared out of the room.

Once Lucy had given the all clear Haiku took a breath and looking Luan eerily in the eyes spoke, "I wanted to thank you; normally I find my birthdays to be an exercise in tedium but your performance made this year's less so."

The girl looked like she was ready to leave but Lucy tugged her sleeve and whispered something to her.

Turning back to Luan, Haiku clapped her hands together and made a small black origami rose appear and gave it to Luan, "It's not as dramatic as your tricks but a token of my thanks."

With that, the two younger goths went off to rejoin the party.

Twirling the rose Luan looked at it thoughtfully and said, "I think I may have a fan."

Stroking Luan's hair Maggie allowed for a rare smile and said, "I can guarantee you have at least two."

The performance was over and everything had gone better than she could have predicted gazing at Maggie, Luan smiled content, "Who needs fans when I have you?"

~fin~

Thanks for reading please review.


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